31 Ford Model A Coupe Hot Rod 31 Ford Model A Coupe Hot Rod
Bumper Stickers

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  1. Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
  2. Flying is the 2nd greatest thrill known to man, landing is the 1st.
  3. Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
  4. Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!
  5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  6. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
  7. FORD - Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
  8. FORD - First On Race Day.
  9. FORD - Fix Or Repair Daily.
  10. FORD - Found On Road, Dead.
  11. FORD - Found On Rubbish Dump.
  12. FOREPLOY (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.
  13. Forget the bull .. Ride the Cowboy.
  14. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  15. Friends don't let friends drive naked
  16. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  17. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
  18. Geezer, formerly known as Studmuffin.
  19. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  20. Give blood, play Hockey.
  21. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  22. GM - General Maintenance.
  23. GMC - Garage Man's Companion.
  24. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  25. God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
  26. God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
  27. God must love stupid people, he made so many.
  28. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  29. Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
  30. Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
  31. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
  32. GRANTARTICA (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.
  33. Grow your own dope, plant a man
  34. Gun control is a tight grouping.
  35. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
  36. GUYS: No shirt, no service GALS: No shirt, no charge
  37. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
  38. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
  39. Half the people you know are below average.
  40. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
  41. Hang in there. Retirement is only 30 years away.
  42. Hang up and drive.
  43. Happiness is a belt fed weapon
  44. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  45. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
  46. He has a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  47. He has a room temperature IQ.
  48. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
  49. He who hesitates is probably right.
  50. He who laughs last - thinks slowest
  51. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
  52. He's a prime candidate for natural deselection.
  53. He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
  54. He's so dense, light bends around him.
  55. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
  56. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
  57. Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
  58. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
  59. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
  60. Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.
  61. HEMAGLOBE (n.) The bloody state of the world.
  62. Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!
  63. Hey, your karma just ran over my dogma.
  64. His gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  65. HONDA - Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
  66. Honk If Anything Falls Off
  67. Honk If You Want To See My Finger
  68. Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
  69. Horn broken, watch for finger.
  70. Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
  71. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
  72. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
  73. How can there be self-help groups?
  74. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  75. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  76. How come you never hear about _gruntled_ employees?
  77. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  78. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
  79. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
  80. How do you know when you are out of invisible ink?
  81. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  82. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands...
  83. How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
  84. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
  85. How the hell did I get this old?
  86. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
  87. HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
  88. HYUNDAI - Hysterical Young Under-aged Driver At Intersection
  89. I act this way to make you nuts.
  90. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  91. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
  92. I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend
  93. I am out of estrogen and I have a gun.
  94. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  95. I brake for Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads.
  96. I can fix anything. Where's the duct tape?
  97. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day,
    tommorrow doesn't look good either.
  98. I could get a new lease on life but I need the first and last month in advance.
  99. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  100. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  101. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  102. I disclaim my disclaimer!
  103. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
  104. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
  105. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  106. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
  107. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  108. I fish! Therefore, I lie.
  109. I hate laundry month.
  110. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
  111. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
  112. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
  113. I intend to live forever - so far, so good
  114. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  115. I keep missing my Ex.... but my aim is improving.
  116. I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
  117. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  118. I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
  119. I lost my emotional baggage on my last flight of fantasy
  120. I love cats - they taste just like chicken
  121. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
  122. I love my country! Its the politicians I don't like or trust.
  123. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  124. I may be slow...but I'm ahead of you!
  125. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
  126. I only drink beer on days that end in y.
  127. IOWA - Idiots Out Wandering Around
  128. I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go
  129. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
  130. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
  131. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
  132. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  133. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  134. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  135. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
  136. I used to be schizophrenic but we're okay now.
  137. I used to get high on life, but lately I've built up a resistance.
  138. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
  139. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  140. I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything
  141. I want to die quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror, like his passengers.
  142. I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
  143. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpos?
  144. I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
  145. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  146. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.
  147. I'm against animal testing. They just get nervous and give wrong answers.
  148. I'm an imbecile and I vote
  149. I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
  150. I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
  151. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  152. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
  153. I'm on a drinking team with a bowling problem.
  154. I'm one of those bad people that happen to good people.
  155. I'm retired, but I work part-time spoiling my grandkids.
  156. I'm the person your mother warned you about.
  157. I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
  158. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  159. Idiot; n, a member of a large and very powerful group whose influence over society is dominant.
  160. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  161. If a man yells in the woods and no women hears him, is he still wrong?
  162. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  163. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  164. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  165. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  166. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  167. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
  168. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  169. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  170. If at first you don't succeed, everyone will tell you why.
  171. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
  172. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
  173. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
  174. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  175. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
  176. If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
  177. If everything is coming your way, then you're are in the wrong lane.
  178. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  179. If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
  180. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
  181. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  182. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  183. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
  184. If it has tits or wheels, Its gonna give you problems.
  185. If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  186. If it sticks, it must be stuck.
  187. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  188. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  189. If its mechanical and I am not bleeding, I must not be working very hard.
  190. If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
  191. If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of live, then let's all get waster together and have the time of our lives.
  192. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  193. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  194. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  195. If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? congress?
  196. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
  197. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  198. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
  199. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  200. If the Broncos aren't Gods team, then why did he make sunsets orange?
  201. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
  202. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
  203. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  204. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
    the one that will cause the most damage to your rod will go wrong first.
  205. If there is a really bad time for something to go wrong, that's when it will happen.
  206. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  207. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  208. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
  209. If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
  210. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  211. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
  212. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
  213. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  214. If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
  215. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
  216. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  217. If you build your rod to please everybody, no one will like it, especially you.
  218. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
  219. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
  220. If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a jeep)
  221. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
  222. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
  223. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  224. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
  225. If You Don't Like My Driving, Stay Off The Sidewalk!
  226. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
  227. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  228. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
  229. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
  230. If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
  231. If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.
  232. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  233. If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
  234. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  235. If you stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
  236. If you think my attitude stinks, you smell my underwear.
  237. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  238. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  239. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  240. If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
  241. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  242. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
  243. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
  244. Illiterate? Write For Help
  245. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
  246. Impeach Clinton, and her husband.
  247. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
  248. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
  249. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  250. INTAXICATION (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
  251. Interchangable parts - won't.
  252. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  253. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  254. Is it possible to be totally partial?
  255. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  256. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
  257. Isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt.
  258. Isn't the best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut?
  259. It ain't much, But It's mine
  260. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  261. It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
  262. It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  263. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
  264. It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
  265. It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
  266. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
  267. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  268. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  269. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
  270. Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
  271. JEEP - Just Empty Every Pocket.
  272. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
  273. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole
  274. Jesus saves! But wouldn't it have been better if he would have invested.
  275. JESUS SAVES…Esposito scores on the rebound

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George Carnut McDowell
est. 1996